We Have Turned Into Miss Kay

On the last day of spring break, the sun shown brightly through the windows of my camouflage colored living room and I thought of all the things I had to do on my to do list.  

It was a long list.

I stretched from my seat on the couch for my phone and sent a text to my mom asking about her cat who was due to have kittens this week.  She sent a text back telling me to call her.

So I did.

And I began the conversation telling her I had a long list of things to accomplish and she said she did too so it would just be a quick conversation.

Two hours later.....

Seriously!  I really do not care to talk on the phone.  But I haven't talked to my mom for weeks and she has been to Florida and back and I haven't seen her in ages.  

We are on the phone and she is telling me a play by play about her cat, Calli, who is about to have kittens, she is sure.  She is telling me how the cat is acting and how she made a box for it and where she  hopes the cat won't have kittens and how mean the dog has been to her cat this week and I am listening to all this because I am interested and asked about it.

As she is telling me how tight the cat's stomach is, I suddenly realize how long we've gone on about pets and I start dying laughing.

"Mom, you ARE Miss Kay!

Image from Starcasm

My mom knows I watch Duck Dynasty but she has only caught an episode so she didn't get the humor but I did and I was dying.

Recently, my husband called me in the morning to have a twenty minute conversation on the phone with me about someone he had found out watched Duck Dynasty - and liked it.

Google Image. Visit Duck Commander for more information on the show.

"I mean," my husband explained to me, "We get that show.  Those are our kind of people.  But these other people who watch it, I mean, what do they get out of it?'

"We don't hunt ducks," I reminded him.

"That's beside the point," he argued, "We say the same phrases, do the same things, I mean, these are good ol boys who could be in our family.  They even LOOK like they could be in your family."

And he's right.  The beards are in my family and long before anyone ever thought beards were cool.  My Dad has a big bushy curly beard, my uncle looks a little like Phil.  People are scared of my family's mean looks, something I find ridiculous because my Dad?  Kindest man, biggest heart, sweet spirit....

Oh my gosh, we are a Northern Duck Dynasty family!

And my mom is Miss Kay.  And I may be turning into her too.....

Worse things could be said of us. 

Before You Don't Have a Mother's Day

Her death came unexpectedly.

I joked with Kor about the boys bringing a snake to school and then she entered her office where she, no doubt, got the call.

Her mom had died.

I cannot imagine the grief that over took her.  I was there in a hotel room when my mom received the call that her dad had died unexpectedly.  That wail is forever etched in my dark memory of that moment.

I've met Kor's mom a few times.  She had a sparkle in her eye.  Do you know what I mean by that?  You know that person you meet and you just instantly are drawn to and find adorable?  That was Kor's mom.  Of course, I may have been prejudice since I had heard her talk about her mom often over the years.

My husband knew, without me even putting it into words, that the death hit me hard.

My mom was gone taking care of her mom.  For six weeks she had been states away.  When I heard the news that Kor's mom had passed, I drove out to my parents.  I looked at the kitchen table littered with over a months worth of mail.  I looked at my dad's single dish service that he had been rewashing and reusing every day since she had gone.  The fridge had no iced tea, the table had no fresh flowers.  I looked at the unmade bed my dad slept in alone.

I stood there and cried.

The same week, a friend called me from out of the blue, carefully scheduling her call to make sure my boys would be tucked into bed.

You know those phone calls that come late at night and you answer with dread because you know it can't possible be good news?  That.  And it wasn't good news.  And as she cried telling me not what she feared for the future but what this might do to her precious children, I found myself without words.

What words do you say when a friend faces death?

There are none.

I sat alone in the ancient church at Kor's mom's funeral.  Being a friend of the family, we were tucked off to the side.  The church was packed, which should not have shocked me after visiting the busy funeral home the day before with my family.

I never caught sight of Kor, but I had a direct view of her friend, Katie.  Katie was seated in the friend section of the church with me.  A pastor who did not know the family well officiated the funeral and when he asked for people to stand and say something about the woman they had loved, no one passed a microphone to the slight framed woman barely holding it together in the front row.  The woman I knew because of Kor, who had grown up with Kor's mom and had a million stories and whose heart was breaking more than some others there.  Tucked away in the friend section sat a woman who loved Kor and her mother ever so much and hardly a soul was even aware of her existence.

My mom's best friend I call "my other mother".  I have not kept in touch with her over the years, my mom does, of course, and now that I am grown I cannot bring myself to call her by her first name.  She is, forever, "my other mother".

But Katie, she was close to Kor's mom.  She may well have had a special name for her.

After the funeral, I found Katie.  It was her I hugged.  It was her I cried with.  It was me who asked her to take care of Kor today.  It was her who asked me to take care of Kor in upcoming weeks.

Because there are friends who are more than friends.  There are friends who are dearer and more precious than family.

I put on my dark black sunglasses and walked from the church.  Two hours prior I had stood in the store and picked out a mother's day card for my mom.  I am not sure why that sprung to my head as I quickly walked away from the church, glasses hiding my tears.

Kor will never buy another Mother's Day card.

I went about the rest of the day with a smile on my face as I ran my errands, made dinner and did the odds and ends that I do in a day.

But alone in my house, fixing dinner, the lump in my throat would not go away.  I looked at the clock and realized Kor's mom's body was now in the ground.

This song came to mind.  Her family talked much about the "dash".  That line between the day their mother was born and the day their mother died.  That 'dash' that was her life.





She left behind her husband of 57 years.

57. Years.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I am head over heels in love with my husband.  Sounds cliche "I love him more everyday" but I do.  And we do love each other more and more because we work at this marriage.

I love my boys to a million zillion pieces as well.  But this weekend had me wanting to find a quiet place far far far away from them.  They were on my last nerve by seven in the morning.  S1, finding a moment alone with his Daddy, said, "I think Mama has had a rough weekend."

He was so right.

As a mom, that happens.  I can't excuse it but I can admit it.  I wanted a break from all of them.

Listening to Kor's mom's service as they described the woman who was creative and loved and shared her smile and gifts with all those around her, I could have been convinced that they were speaking of Kor herself.  She will carry her mother's legacy on well.  But her mom had a knack to be "in the moment" so well.  Kor does this too, I have always admired this about her.

Treasure the moments because they will be gone so soon.

Someday my mom will die.  But when Mother's Day comes around this year, she will be home and I will be ever so grateful to be sitting on the back porch with her sipping iced tea.

Someday my husband will be ancient gray and I hope I am there to care for him and he for me.

Someday my boys will grow up and leave home.  I will miss the sounds of their nerf gun wars and running, their laughing and probably their petty fighting that drives me so insane now.

We all tough days with our spouse.  We have tear filled tough days with our kids.  But that's life, and life is finding the beauty in the mess.

Life is a blink.  Motherhood is a blink.

Don't waste it.

I am writing this in the moment of the emotion.  I'll wait to publish it near Mother's Day.  Maybe I'll reread it and recheck it for my mistakes.  But probably I won't.  
I didn't want to post it before my mom made it back, keeping all this quiet as to not worry my mom while she was gone.

Happy Birthday To My Mom!

Today is my mom's birthday.

How is she celebrating?

By taking down her Christmas tree.

A real live Christmas tree.

She assures me it is not dead yet.

Still VERY beautiful.

But it's getting kind of embarrassing to keep it up.

This is yet another reason why I love my mom so.

She keeps her Christmas tree up until her birthday.

I have had people say that I look like my mom did when she was my age.  I have had a complete stranger stop me in the store and say, "Oh my, you MUST be Deb's daughter, you have her exact smile."  If anyone says I am a good mom, I owe it to MY mom.  If I have a good marriage, it's because I have great parents, still married, who gave us a great example.

My mom and dad, they don't like to hear such things.  They assure me I am doing a great job and better than they did.  But I know, it's them.  They built a great foundation for us four kids.

My mom is one of my very best friends.  Growing up I honestly did not think we would ever get along - and when I recall those moments I am again grateful for boys -.  I can go a week without talking to my mom and know all is well.  We do spur of the moment get togethers.  She will randomly stop by with a coffee for me.

Even though I'm "all grown up" I still am and will always be their little girl.  My parents know me in a bad mood and a silly mood.  They know my strengths and weaknesses.  They see the potential in me that I am too exhausted to see.

I am blessed with phenomenal parents.

But today is my mom's birthday.  She is the one whom I cannot just call "mom".  I have a special nickname for her and any note I address to her always uses just her nickname.  I call her when something super silly happens or when I am crying and on the edge.  She loves each of her four kids with all her heart and tirelessly helps us, feeds us, encourages us.

She is on her knees in prayer for us.

We can get the giggles and drown ourselves in coffee like few others can do.

She can camp ten days straight with me and we still are sad to part ways.

I am forever grateful for my mom, my best friend.

For my parents.

Here is a song that I am dedicating to her today.  This girl is way younger than me and watching this I suddenly feel OLD but, I love it.  I think it's a great song for moms and daughters.

I also really like how so many of the videos are taken at the beach or pool.  I'm not sure what the mom of the singer felt about this, but I love it.  I can call my mom and just say, "We need a beach day" and she KNOWS what that means.  In the summer she will call me with all the possible dates of potential beach days for the week.  We have a photo of our two beach chairs at our favorite lake - it's one of my most favorite photos.

It's funny because I don't like to swim.  I am not a water person at all.  My mom is half fish.

But a beach day with my mom?  I can't turn them down!  They are always my most favorite days with her.

I love you tons and tons, Mugsy!  Have a most wonderful birthday! I'll see you soonishly!

Valentine's Day

As a whole, I do not much care for Valentine's Day.

There, I said it.

This is why....

If you need to show how much you love someone on just one day of the year

you have serious problems.

I did not realize just how passionately people either hate or love Valentine's Day till I was browsing Twitter and Facebook today. Wow.

But don't get me wrong, I may not be overly crazy about Valentine's Day but far be it from me to neglect a day set aside just to remind everyone in my family that I love them dearly! I made - okay, I attempted to make - heart shaped pancakes for the boys this morning. Completely loaded in chocolate chips.

Isaac informed me that they were good but not great but he liked them because he knew I made them with joy in my heart. Seriously, that is what he said.

And all the boys in my family get a little heart filled with chocolates because they get such a thrill over that.

That's it.

The day has a special feel to it, I won't deny it, but it's not my favorite day of the year. And I always feel bad for my husband if he tries to stress over it at all. Cuz he should know by now, he is my gift

every

single

day.

Along with all my boys' hugs and kisses and cuddles.

A friend of mine, who has known me since before I was even a thought and has been married longer than I have been alive, wrote this today...

Since today is Valentine's Day, what is your best marriage advice? here's mine~ just be friends, Quit worrying about the roles, rules, and expectations and work on friendship.

I find that perfectly said. (thanks Nancy Hopkins!)

I was talking to Jake last night and told him when I think of Valentine's Day there are two memories that make me love the holiday....

One is my mom. Every year (I guarantee if I show up at my parents house today, it will be there for me) my mom bakes these huge valentine cookies for us. She frosts them in white frosting and writes our names in cursive in red.

The cursive always made them more special. Because before I knew how to write in cursive, I knew that it was fancy writing on a fancy cookie that was just for me.

And that said love to me.

I make those same cookies for my boys now. I let them frost them and decorate them. But I do not ever write their names in cursive on them. I save that for my mom, it's her special gift to all of us.

My other most prominent, brings me to tears every single time I recall it, memory of Valentine's Day involves my Dad.

I am the firstborn, the guinea pig (I know, S1 is OUR guinea pig!) of the family. My Dad, in a regular stroke of genius, seen the writing on the wall and realized I was growing up way to fast and stepped in to fully make me feel special before some man came along and stole his daughter away for forever.

Highschool was not pleasant for me. I transported there from a teeny tiny Christian school and never did I feel I belonged. I hated Sweetest Day and Valentine's Day where everyone bought carnations for their special someone and had them delivered during class. I think it's why I still hate carnations - though I should get over that now.

They would wheel the squeaky cart into the class and call out names of all these popular girls and guys who would get oodles of carnations. And I never got one.

Not that I thought I would, but I would still listen just in case.

And my sophomore year, my name was called on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't any awful carnations. It was roses.

Real, live, beautiful, intoxicating roses.

The card read "From the guy who loved you".

This, of course, stumped me. Someone loved me and didn't? Someone loved me and I messed that up? Who would love me?

I called my mom on the pay phone in the hallway at school and rattled the story off, still drinking in the scent of the roses, the pure beauty of them in the dark, cold brick hallway. She was stumped too.

My Dad hadn't told her that he had sent them to me.

And when I got home from school, he told me that the card was supposed to read "From the guy who loved you FIRST".

That I would have gotten.

To this day, I cannot recall this story without tears forming in my eyes. My Dad made me feel like the most precious girl in that whole school - heck, in the whole county.

I adore my Dad. It's my mom I talk to all the time and see for coffee and text back and forth too. It's my Dad I hardly ever get a chance to talk to...but I love him. And I am reminded how much he loves me every single Valentine's Day when I think back to this story.

And I thought I'd just share it all with you.

Because it's the little things - the little EVERY DAY things - that show someone you love them. Every day you can find something to make the day special...365 days of love.

It's what made these moments so special to me.

Try it on your family, rain love on them. It makes every day Valentine's Day......

The DIANA Exhibit in Grand Rapids, Michigan

One late morning, I was getting ready to make up our dinner for that night and I flipped on the tv.

eightWest was on.

eightWest is a local talk show that has been on for a year now. It's not a show I follow faithfully but if it happens to be on I watch it. This particular episode they were talking about the Diana exhibit that was coming to Grand Rapids and since my mom and I have been planning on going since we first heard it was arriving in our city, I ended up just standing there watching the whole segment.

It ended with the hosts, Rachel and Terri, offering 1oo free pairs of tickets to a special showing of the Diana exhibit to the first 100 people to email them.

I didn't know their email. It was up on the screen and my fingers were flying over my blackberry curve. I sent the email as fast as I could type out my message letting them know I wanted to go. Don't even know what I said but I do know I sat there wondering if I sent it right and if I didn't should I retry and if I retry and the first message DID go through would I be disqualified and if that happened how crushed would I be?

I won two tickets.

I called my mom and left her a message. She called me back, nearly able to speak she was so excited.

My mom is the biggest Diana fan I know.

I grew up knowing all about the princess in England who had boys just a little younger than me. My mom knew it all. She woke up early to watch THE wedding, she had a trunk that was filled with magazine articles and what-nots of Diana's life. She had just gotten rid of a vast majority of the magazines the summer Diana passed away and my mom totally kicked herself for that.

I do remember, vividly, the day she died. I called my mom on the phone in the apartment on the first summer Jake and I were married and my mom and I both cried. I watched the funeral and heard about the wedding, my mom watched the funeral and remembered the wedding she had seen there.

There is no one else at all that I would take with me to see the exhibit.

And we got to see it a FULL DAY before it opened to the public. Thrill!!!!!

I knew there was no way I could go see the Diana exhibit without wearing heels and a dress, hello, its DIANA and it was so much fun to dress up to head out. There were ladies there in jeans, and there was a girl in a formal gown...quite the variation and eightWest went all out for us. It was decorated beautifully with fresh flowers, the elaborate cake that imitated the wedding cake of Prince Charles and Lady Diana...we even each received little goodie bags with a few mementoes and were served cupcakes and punch while live music played.

But we were all there for one thing...to see the exhibit.

There are no cameras allowed. It is understandable, the flash could ruin the clothes. But eightWest took oodles of pics of the "reception" (none have my mom and I in them! :) ) and you can see them on their Facebook page.

This is a timed exhibit...only a few people are allowed through in a certain amount of time. When one is purchasing tickets, you purchase them for a set time. I find this to be brilliant. Even with us all there, they allowed us in a few at a time to keep it from bottle necking. I appreciated this.

When you first walk in, there is the crown. Glowing. It's breathtaking and no photos or video footage of it have done it any justice at all.

There is an introduction of sort following that, introducing you to the Spencer family and showing a few of the prominent women in the Spencer line and the jewels given to them. Loving history, I found this part a nice addition.

Next was bits of her childhood, including some home videos that you can't help but smile over. It was fun to see all the bits and pieces of her young life.

We went through a hall filled with pictures of Lady Di and Prince Charles and the history of their meeting and so forth. Then you round the corner and

There.

Is.

The.

Dress.

I think my mom cried.

She could not leave that room. She read it all. She watched the short film off different scenes from the wedding. She studied the dress and it's long train, walked around it numerous times. She said later that seeing the dress made the world seem so small...never in a million years would she believe someone if they told her that early Saturday morning she sat there watching a kindergarten teacher become a princess that she would one day get to see that dress herself, in her state, in a nearby city....

She can never finish her thoughts on seeing the dress.

We then view many of Diana's charities and her handwritten notes to those whom she appreciated.

And then it was the funeral.

The room is scented and filled with a large screen showcasing bits of the funeral and at the foot of the screen are piles of dried roses.

No one spoke in this room.

Everyone sniffed.

It was painful to be there and yet awful to leave it.

Following this room was a large room filled with many of her outfits and pictures of what she was doing when she wore them. This woman had great style. The last gown she wore on her birthday, days before the crash, are in this exhibit.

And then it's done.

You walk out and see piles of books behind glass. I found this an odd place to have us walk out at, as though they had no other place to put the library. And then I read the sign...these were SOME of the books signed by thousands of people who stood in long lines to write their last thoughts to Lady Diana. It's amazing.

Seeing this exhibit was amazing. This is the tenth city this exhibit has been in the entire world and it is all of 40 minutes from my little farm out here. I am so glad eightWest gave us the special opportunity to see it before anyone else.

But seeing this with my mom will go down in my life book as one of my most favorite memories. Seeing her experience this exhibit made this exhibit. And for that, I cannot ever thank eightWest enough.

Thank you.

Although you cannot take pictures, I did find some video footage of the exhibit that you can see HERE. And if you are interested in seeing this exhibit at the GRAM, you can find all the information you need HERE. And if you do go to the GRAM, be sure to plan to go visit the 1913 Room, Cygnus (visit here so you can see the sun set, did that with my handsome hubby once...fairytale like, I promise!) or Bentham for some of THE wedding cake...which is on my mom and my's short list of things to do. We didn't have time Monday, we fully intend on getting a piece though!!!

All in all, go see this.....

And thank you ever so much, eightWest, for a beautiful, memorable day.