Mom Competitive Sports, Part Two

Can you walk a dog and make a baby laugh?

I can.

Here's how I found out I had this great talent.

We got a dog, Sadie. She needs to still be walked on the leash because she hasn't figured her name out completely yet, she likes to chase chickens and I don't have the athletic ability to chase after her...or the want to. They just covered the surrounding fields in manure. I would have to think long and hard about chasing after her if she took off in that nasty super covered in poopy slimy field.

But I also have this adorable ten month old baby I am watching. Who doesn't like to take a nap all the time. But the dog, well, she needs to go relieve herself regularly. What's a girl to do?
Walk the dog, with the baby of course!

I did take a moment to remind God how much I love my arms and would rather keep them if it was fine with Him.

And then we were off.

I figure we must have really looked the sight. Me looking like I am about to face certain doom and must protect Jr at all costs. Sadie, all black, basically walking on her hind two legs. Jr, bouncing along for the ride.

Sadie was so excited to be out since I had been putting her off thinking Jr would nap but he hadn't and Sadie has to pee and she wanted to run and she wanted to sniff and she wanted to run and she wanted to play and she wanted to run!!!!!!!

My arms screamed.

Jr laughed. He laughed and he laughed and he laughed and he laughed.

And when Jr laughs, you just can't help but laugh too.

So we jogged, got hauled around, didn't fall, didn't trip, I kept my arms (although I took some Motrin) and all was wonderful in the world again.

So, in the Mom Competitive sports category, I survived...with laughter.

Adventures in the Med Center

S2 had been sick at home for three days before I thought to look down his throat. It was at four in the afternoon on a Friday that I realized we had a case of strep on our hands.
How could a mom of four boys miss this?

Well, for starters, I just plain old fashioned didn't believe him. He complains he is sick all the time. If he hears there is anything at school, if he feels he didn't do his homework well, he is suddenly very ill.

For instance, Pink Eye was in school. His exact words were “Moma, I think I am sick.” He falls on our bed dramatically. “My throat is sore so I know I just have to have Pink Eye.”
“Pink eye is IN your eye.”

“I know, that's why my throat is sore.”

So when he complained he was dizzy and that is all, I figured he was just over tired. And he hadn't read his book all the way for the next day. But he did seem pretty miserable so we decided to let him stay home. He had been getting up with hubby at 5 in the morning to eat breakfast just to spend some daddy time so it made sense he would be over tired.

But Friday afternoon I knew he was really really sick. Perfect timing, as the pediatrician's office closes for the weekend. I called anyhow, dreaming wildly that they would say, “why, yes, we agree that must be what he has, six kids out of his class with the same thing and all. We will call in the medicine for you, bring him by Monday if you feel he isn't getting better. You try to have a good weekend, you sweet mom, you!”

I didn't think that would happen, but I dreamed it would.

I just LOVE LOVE LOVE my pediatrician and the office workers there. Truly. I would go there just to chat with them all if they weren't so busy. But I got a call back from the one person I didn't know who did not appreciate the humor of the moment, half an hour before the office closes I call in about a child who has been sick for three days.

So we (four boys and me) headed to the med center, my thought being it wouldn't be so bad if we were there early.

Moment of silence to brace ourselves for what we are about to encounter.

To even further appreciate the situation keep in mind that I have not showered since the night before. I put on make up to hide that fact. I wore sunglasses on my head to hide the getting greasy hair. Rarely ever do I miss the morning shower, it makes me feel all itchy and icky. S1 is carrying school work and books that must be kept in a very serious order. S2 is sick, wearing the same clothes he has worn for the last two days, his pants are his favorite so they are well on their way to be considered capris. S3 had pajama day at school, he dressed accordingly. S4 is carrying a coffee can with a lid covered in stickers filled with matchbox cars with Mac's trailer (CARS being his favorite movie of all time and the can carrying about five Lightening McQueen's) on the top staying precariously there.

We are a sight, even for the walk in clinic/med center.

There are not five chairs together so we are all the waiting room, S2 sitting on the floor with his head back on the couch, S1 leaned into a corner lost in a book, S3 and S4 seem to need to comment on EVERY PERSON there and who was acting naughty and why it was taking so long.
An hour later we are ussured into a teeny tiny room where there is one chair, one tiny desk and one med worker who's eyes get bigger and bigger as we all file in. “These are all your boys?” she asks incredulously.

I nod. “Yes, ma'am, they are.”

S3 smiles. “We, we all of us, we are all brothers.”

It is at this moment that S4 decides now, for the first time, to take out every blessed car out of the coffee can and line them up on the floor.

The cold woman begins to drill us with questions. I answer them all for her. She visibly begins to soften. She warms to S3 leaning in on her desk pushing his glasses back and sniffing at the same time as he asks some question about the computer she has in front of her. When we walk out, she says “They'll call you when they can see you but I just have to say that these are some of the most well behaved boys I have seen in here and you are a Mom who has it together.”

I find this sweet for her to say, since I have totally missed my son's excruciatingly painful sore throat for three days and told her so when she asked why were there.

Half an hour later, they called us back to a room where we waited another stretch of time until a nurse walked in and exclaimed “Goodness me, this room is full! Are these ALL your boys?”
“Yes,” I answer, “They are all mine.”

“Oh, my, wow, we will try to get them to hurry up with you!”

She swabbed his throat that was covered in icky disgusting goop and left us to count the pictures on the wall, tell S3 to stop riding the wheeled chair next to the door, read the twelve days of Christmas (it was the ONLY book there), remind S3 to stay away from the door, flip thru a magazine to see I like the Bohemian style bathroom, inform S3 if he goes near the door again he will be off the rolling stool, continue answering emails from a friend who is cracking me up, kick S3 off the rolling stool. The doctor walked in.

“Wow. These are a lot of boys. Are they all yours?”

“Yes, they are.”

“Wow. Well, he has strep. We are going to write up some medicine for you and get you on your way!” She checked S2 over a bit more, her personality oozed sweetness and energy. “Okay. All set!”

We waited for the medicine script to be written. Have I mentioned there is only ONE chair in the room, the bed, the wheely stool that had now been banned and five of us?

The next girl walked in. She sized us up. “Here is your script for medicine. Follow me to get the final paperwork completed.”

S2 sat up. “Can we all get some gloves, please?”

She laser looked at him. “Gloves. Are. A. Choking. Hazard. This way. Please.” She turned on her heel and walked out of the room. We rushed to gather up and follow after her.

I heard someone at the desk say “That IS a lot of boys!”

We waited amongst 2 chairs for someone to say 'next' and then every one of the boys hovered around the one chair in front of the desk where the woman gushed “oh my! Are these all your boys?”

I just nodded.

She chatted away with them as she quickly filled out our paper work and we headed out of the med center to the darkened parking lot and towards Walmart to fill the prescription.

I handed the prescription over where the woman said “Goodness, you have a lot of good looking boys there.” the boys took this as an invitation to tell her who has strep and how long we had waited and the fact we had not had dinner and all sorts of information.

The check out girl gushed over the boys. “And they are all yours? Oh my! What handsome boys they are! They look like you! Well, a handsome version of your mom.” She was told how old they all were, when their birthdays were, the fact they all had blonde hair by the one son who doesn't have blonde hair.....

We ordered pizza. “Two pizza's?” the lady asked. “I have four boys.” “Oh wow, yah, two pizza's coming up!”

I do believe everyone in town will remember us all. I am happy to be home, alone, with all four of my boys, where I promptly fell into bed to sleep the night away.

Mom Competive Sports, Part One

Can you make a lunch in 30 seconds flat?

I can.

It's a talent I did not know I even had.

Here is how I found I did have the amazing ability to make a FULL school lunch in 30 seconds flat.

The night before S2 had made his lunch along with his brothers. If I stock the house with some goodish choices (notice, goodish. I know every little Debbie snack, really) and make sure they make a sandwich, they are happy to make their lunch and eat it MUCH better. I figure I can let lunches slide a little since I am in control of breakfast and dinner and that if they are starving the fridge is filled with apples at any time.

Anyhow...

S2 made his lunch. We all seen him do it.

In the morning, S2 had lost his lunch. He swore he left it on the bench in the porch. It was not there. He stared at Sadie, sure she had gobbled it up somehow. As in, gobbled up the lunch box, food, any smidgeons that would prove her guilty.

S2 cannot eat school lunches. He has no idea at all who makes that food and you just can't trust someone you don't know to make the food you are going to eat. His thought....thought it up all on his own.

So, we are late (as usual) and he is looking up at the ceiling and wandering in circles, bawling. “My lunch, I can't find my lunch.”

Good grief, he could have made a gourmet lunch in the time it was taking him to search it out!
So, I threw together a lunch with a peanut butter sandwich, juice bag, hard boiled egg, little Debbie snack, chips and we were done. Thirty seconds flat.

He was happy. I was a hero.

When we arrived home, I found his lunch. On the outdoor porch.

He was very glad to find it, smacking his forehead in his “oh, yah” fashion, and happy he got a night off from making his lunch.

The next morning, we ALL reminded him where he had left it so we had a much smoother morning!

Mom Competitive sports, I have you beat in the lunch department, I do believe!

Poop on the Face

Jr has a double ear infection right now. Poor little guy! He is just as happy as can be just as long as you are holding him. Put him down and you know you put him down. He cries and cries and cries. Pick him up, coos and smiles.

The medicine gives him nasty diapers too. If you 'think I just heard something', you better check his diaper. And you will probably find something there.

The thing is, he finds the diaper changing spot THE spot to just explore and knowing he won't be there long he squirms and turns and does all sorts of weird moves to get off the changing table or sit up on the changing table.

It's a challenge, to say the least.

Well, I got him all changed. I threw the nasty diaper away. He cried and rubbed his eyes and buried his head in my chest but would not sleep so I bundled him up, set him in the car seat and headed with S4 for a quick “this will make him fall asleep” drive.

As we got in, S4 looks at me oddly. “Moma,” he points to my cheek, “There is something on you.”
I look in the reviewer mirror. Something about the size of my pinky finger nail and completely brown was on my cheek.

POOP!!!!

I quickly wipe it off, totally disgusted. Nasty!

It's then I realize, it's peanut butter. Not sure how it go there, none of us had eaten peanut butter, but none the less, it was.

Which helped ease my gag reflex and pounding heart.

Never Talk to Strangers

My sister in law is laughing this week because of me. This is why...

I have long known I am not a 'people' person. I am perfectly content to sit at home and hang out here. I love chatting it up with a friend, A FRIEND, not a group. I fear groups. I am not sure why, I just don't like big gatherings.

My husband is the total opposite. Completely.

I have been trying really hard to more talkative out and about. The last thing I want is for someone to think I am snobbish. I may like you very much, I just don't know, because I don't know how on earth to begin talking with you all. I am perfectly content to sit there and listen to all you have to say, maybe chime in a time or two, but just soak up the conversations. That's me.

My husband thinks I'm crazy.

So I decided to start small. One on one with complete strangers. My theory? Learn to talk to total strangers one on one and a big room full of strangers will be nothing more than meeting someone one on one a million times over.

Yesterday I was watching Jr. He has an ear infection and the medicine gives him nasty diapers and he had had two. They were bad. So, I decided to take the garbage out even though it wasn't full because of the stench. On my way down the drive way (it was trash day), I decided to fill the bag up with trash from the yard.

It was about this moment that the garbage man pulled up. He looks like a Santa who is attempting to loose weight. I have assumed he likes to laugh a “ho ho ho” type of laugh, it would fit with his white beard. I smiled brightly and said “hello! Just have one more bag for ya!” He looked at me oddly. “Nice day today,” I added, brightly. He tossed the bag in the back of the truck. I went to peek around it too. “I've never really seen a garbage truck up close.” Keep in mind, he hasn't said ONE WORD to me. I am shocked to see....a dead chicken. Which would have come from our house. No doubt the boys seen it and tossed it in the can. I am sure the shock registered on my face. The man ran, literally ran, to his truck and mumbled a “have a nice day.”
“Yah, you too!” I waved. I will be hiding from the garbage man every week now.

Which brings me to today. Driving the boys to school this morning, I seen one of those toy dogs, all white with a big poofy tail. Girly dogs, I call them. I had never noticed this dog before, and I usually pay attention to such things. On my way home from school, the dog had made good time jaunting out of town, so, tying to forget the mishap of yesterday, I turned around and went back for it. I had seen tags on it and figured I would just call the owners and wait to see if they couldn't just pick it up where I sat on the side of the road.

I am bent down, my just washed hair falling in my face and totally make up less, still trying to get the coffee to work on my tired self. “Here puppy puppy puppy,” I called. The dog ran up, sniffed in my direction and ran off to pee on a tree. I tried again. As I was calling the dog again, a blue blazer pulled up behind me. He opened the passenger door and the dog just jumped in all wag tail happy.

Great. Busted for attempting to steal a dog.

I got in my suburban, and seen the guy wanted to say something, braced myself for the worst and rolled down my window. I then spilled my guts, “I am so sorry I was just going to see if I could call the owner I seen it this morning taking my kids to school and now I seen it way down here and I didn't want it to get hit honest I was just going to call.”

He stared at me a moment. “Where did you first see him?”

“At the train tracks on the way into school, and here now. I just know I would want someone to call me if my dog were missing.”

Silence.

Then he smiled nicely. “He gets off his chain. I don't have any idea how. I sure appreciate you stopping.”

I smiled. “No problem. Have a nice day!”

Well, maybe I can talk to strangers. I just wish it weren't all dramatic all the time.

Why I Haven't Blogged Lately (Part Two)

I was all set to not blog again tonight...but I had to.

After writing that blog, I put the chicken in the oven. I made some french press coffee. I got the rest of dinner ready to go. I guessed when hubby would be home and began the Amish noodles I got down in Shipsi (oh wait, I haven't told you about how we made it there...I'll do that soon. You may have to remind me...)

I should have known that when Hubby arrived home and accidentally knocked over my coffee, things could go 'rough'.

They did.

Hubby decided at that exact moment, at that moment when dinner was about to be put on the table, to get all his seed books out and order some seeds. At the moment he called the seed company, the Amish noodles boiled over. The noodles are boiled in chicken broth. The chicken broth started on fire, filling the tiny kitchen with smoke, setting the smoke alarm off.

Yes, I am serious.

Hubby is holding his non telephoned ear and giving me the stink eye and I hear him say, "sorry about that, MY WIFE IS COOKING DINNER."

Meanwhile, I am jumping up and down (I am not as tall as my super tall husband) and manage to knock the smoke detector off the ceiling and I hit it so hard it clattered and banged across the floor, still going off.

S1 and I quickly ran it outside to wait for it to stop beeping.

S3 watched it all with wide eyes. He had much to tell me how I didn't follow all the rules that the fire men at school told him to do. Mainly, running the smoke detector outside and leaving him inside.

S4, well, he slept thru the whole thing.

S2, he's just sick and still stayed on the couch. He figured we'd get him if we needed to I guess.

Hubby continued to work on the seeds order.

The smoke cleared.

I decided to update the facebook status. I mean, really, that's pretty funny, isn't it. I watched out the window as a little chicken was running for her dear life as fast as her scrawny little legs could take her down the driveway and away from the house.

Odd.

On the opposite side of the yard I caught sight of a big white bird flapping its wings. I looked closer, cocked my head at the odd sight. Suddenly I realized it was Mr. Goose, I have never ever seen Mr. Goose fly before.

It was then I seen Sadie.

She has snuck outside when S1 and I ran out the smoke detector I guess. But either way, she was determined to enjoy her moment of freedom by chasing every chicken she has wanted to chase and the mean humans haven't let her.

I grabbed S1 and we ran outside with the leash. Mr. Goose ran right up to us. He was desperate for help I imagine, since he usually stays far away from us. Unless he wants food scraps from dinner.

S1 and I ran for all we were worth around and around and around the yard. Finally I came behind, S1 ran to the front and he threw his body on her and I slung on the leash and we walked back to the house. We entered in and Hubby says "Oh, that was a good idea to take her for a walk before dinner."

Yup, that was all before dinner even began.

It was good, in case you wanted to know. The noodles were excellant in fact.

You just can't make this stuff up. Our life is insane. Truly funny but crazy. I guess I love it that way.

But I am now going to bed.

Why I Haven't Blogged Lately

I just haven't found time.

And I hear my husband groan, “you were on facebook today”. I need to talk to adults every once in awhile and facebook sometimes just gets you by.

All this week I have been watching adorable Jr and I have been watching another little boy MC too. S2 is sick. Sadie is feeling at home, tearing the place apart and melting my heart all at the same time. Hubby has been working late..as in eight pm. I get up at four am. We don't really see each other much. Right now I should be folding laundry. Getting dinner ready because I have to make something other than hot dogs, mac and cheese, sloppy joes, etc for dinner at some point this week.

I love watching Jr. (He got his first tooth yesterday) I love watching MC. I am thankful to be home. But this morning I was literally thinking I would need to tape my eyelashes to my fore head to keep my eyes open.

This is how the morning goes......

3:45, wake up.
Make hot cocoa.
Drink water.
Say hello to sister in law.
Peek to see Jr is still asleep.
Lay out hubby's clothes.
Make hubby's lunch.
Run dishwasher.
See Jr is still sleeping peacefully so I go back to bed.
Alarm goes off.
Hubby wakes up.
Light goes on and off at least four times.
Sleep.
Wake up at 6.
Shower. Blissful silence.
Make coffee. Wonderful concoction!
Wake boys.
Sadie jumps with glee.
Boys head to kitchen looking for food.
I make insta oatmeal.
Boys call me in to show me how much they just peed.
S3 asks me to turn heat on so he can cuddle next to heater vent.
Notice Sadie ate the vacuum cord.
S4 asks if he can go to school 'jammie naked' (this means wear his jammies instead of clothes)
Write note to teacher to ask for S2's homework.
Realize we have ten minutes to before we have to leave.
Ask S1 to walk Sadie. He does. Then he plays basketball.
S4 freaks, he has no shoes. At all. They are all gone. All ten pairs of shoes, boots, barn boots, summer shoes. Gone.
S3 is still cuddled next to heat vent. He suddenly remembered he needs to dress like his favorite character in a book today.
Jr. wakes up. He's hungry.
MC arrives, with a house for giggly, his favorite stuffed animal. MUST NOT LET SADIE EAT HOUSE OR GIGGLY.
Dress S3 in character and take picture.
Tell everyone we are now late, MOVE.
S2 wakes up.
Grab coffee and phone, put in suburban.
S4 is screaming. NO SHOES.
I tell S4 to go barefoot.
S4 hangs head and cries crocodile tears for his sure to freeze feet.
Load up Jr.
Make and sorta little bit heat up a bottle.
See S2 standing in the middle of the driveway, sobbing.
Find out S2 let Sadie out.
Sadie is chasing every chicken we own.
S1 drops basketball to run after Sadie.
S2 is still crying.
S3 is buckled.
Run into house. S4 is still searching for shoes. Every shoe we own in on the porch. He never looked on the porch.
See S1 and S3's lunches on table, grab them and bottle for Jr.
Sit in drivers seat.
S2 stands in door of vehicle. He doesn't know where to sit. He always always sits in the exact same spot. Always.
Drive to school.
Breathe.
Arrive to school 1.5 minutes before the bell rings.
Drop kids off to classes.
Take four boys back home.
Drink more coffee.

I need time to recuperate from all this before I can blog!

Just writing this blog, S4 and MC were hungry. S2 needed water. Cold water with ice cubes in his deer cup. S4 and MC decided they didn't' need food, they needed to go outside. S4 cant find clothes. S4 can't find a coat. MC decides not to wait for him. S2 asks to watch a movie. MC lets Sadie out. Sadie chases all the chickens. Chickens can fly high. Catch Sadie after being run into by her and running around the whole yard, a few times. S4 finds a coat (on the porch) and goes outside. MC comes in to go potty. S2 decides on a movie and wants me to put it on for him. MC calls me to wipe his butt. Wipe MC's butt to see he did try to wipe his butt and he flushes the toilet, clogging it. S4 comes in to see what is taking so long. Boys decide to watch movie with S2. Sadie is barking like crazy from the tie out chain she is on.

Any blog post I can write is just plain amazing, that's all there is to it.