Puking and Finding Joy

The date has been changed a few times but it was finally TODAY.

I had it written on the calendar, complete with lots of circles to make it stand out more.

Because S1 is home-schooled now, I had a family happily agree to have him hang out with him all day.

The weather looked to be great.

Our dinner was completely made and ready for when I returned home later that day.

I woke with my very first alarm today and nearly skipped to the shower.

Girl Day

Oh, how I have missed these ladies I meet with!  How I have been longing to do something "normal" for me since pulling S1 out of school.  With the hustle and bustle of things I don't really want to do I was so excited to curl up in the oversized leather chair, coffee in hand, crackling fire in front of me and soak up the time with my friends.  I thrilled over the conversations we would share and had a notebook and my favorite pen ready to take notes.

S4 had to be called three times before he struggled to make it down the steps.  He wailed through the morning that his legs hurt and he couldn't walk.

I thought he was faking for a home day but he looked sick and that bothered me.

I fired off numerous texts back and forth with Sue trying to figure out what to do.

Then S4 sat in front of the toilet sure he would puke.

I continued to get ready to go.  Why, why, why today?  Today of all days?

But it didn't take too much longer for me to call it, we had to stay home.

S1 was crushed.  I think he was as ready for a break from me as I was of him.  And we have been doing well together — we just needed to be separated for a while.

I dropped the other two off at school.  S4's teacher assured me that the flu was going around and seven kids were missing from her class the day before.  We couldn't reach the family S1 was going to stay with for the day on the phone so we stopped by.  And, bless their hearts, they told us that since his visit was written in ink they weren't going to change it and S1 all but ran to get his school books and couldn't stop grinning - this family has 16 kids (yes, 16, all theirs together) and most are boys.  I have no doubt he won't miss me a bit.

S4 and I arrived home and he immediately headed to the bathroom where he puked and puked and puked some more.

It was a good thing we cancelled our plans.

S4 told me I could go.  He'd just stay home.  My little six year old just broke my heart with that.

But how is that in doing what is right that I am still sad?  I sort of just want to stomp my feet and cry and be all ugly about missing out on what I had planned.

It's hard to choose joy.  To say, "Okay, why was it so important for me to stay home today?" and look for the JOY in that.

Joy.

I need to choose it.

But right now all I am thinking is that it's a good thing that I have peanut butter balls hidden in the fridge and a large supply of good coffee and creamer.  I've never looked this nice to take care of a sick kiddo and clean house.

Thanks for listening to me whine.