I Was Nearly Attacked by a Venomous Shrew

I believe I should get some sort of award for not screeching into the phone today and then letting it fall to the floor with a clatter while I was talking to my husband.

I mean, there should totally be a reward for such control of the situation.

What happened?

Oh, I was just nearly attacked by a venomous shrew.

It happened like this...

All week I have had a terrible head cold. The worst part of this cold is the horrific headaches I have been having.  Earlier in the morning my husband had called to check on me and I, being all strong and stoic, began to cry because even my cheek bones hurt.

I am so tough like that.

Anyhow, I had dropped two of the four boys off at school because one is home sick and the other, you recall, is now home-schooled.  I had arrived home and taken the hottest shower I could stand, not carrying how dry my skin would be afterwards, and then I brewed myself a strong pot of coffee.  I had skipped the MucinexD medicine today for some migraine medicine I had recently picked up but really have never thought of buying.

It worked miracles.

I decided I had better call my husband to let him know I was alive and feeling somewhat human again because I could, in fact, not feel my cheekbones any longer and if you can't feel them then you must be feeling better.

I was stirring my coffee and chattering away to him when I heard a rustle, scratch and commotion.  I looked toward the sound but the dog was not lying there scratching herself.

I wandered into the dining room to see where the dog was lying.  She was lying outside on the porch.

I figured something must have fallen out of the full trash (I've been sick, people, my house is a disaster), and continued chatting with hubs.

Until I heard the sound again.

I cautiously walked toward the trash can and there, on my husband's chainsaw blade, was a shrew.

Oh wait, you say, chainsaw blade?  In the kitchen?  Welcome to my life....

"Eeeeeek!" I tried not to scream but I may have screeched, "There is a shrew!  A shrew is in the kitchen!"

"A what?" my husband asked, bracing himself for my all out panic.

"A SHREW," I said slowly and clearly.  "I have to let you go.  I'll call you later."  I may have mumbled out that "LoveYouBye" word but I honestly don't recall.

I ran to the upstairs steps and screamed called for S1 to come down.  I heard his chair drop to the ground as he hustled to get to me.  My sick S3 did not even glance my way as he sat in the chair, glad to have the living room and tv all to himself, totally oblivious to his mother's hysterical cries for his brother.

It's as if hysterics have become common place to him.  Hmmmmmm.

"What?  What is it?" my eldest son asked, ready to come to my defense.  I love that boy.

"In the kitchen!" I cried and then I creeped back into the kitchen to show him where to look.  He was already undoing his leatherman that is always strapped to his side.  "I don't want to look," I said and walked away.  I joined S3 in the living room to watch Bolt with him.

He let me know when the coast was now clear and safe of all shrews.

Because I just couldn't resist, and because they sorta do look kinda cute, I googled Shrews.  This is what I found......

It's like all my worst nightmares.

Venomous shrews attacking, a snake, and all found in the GARDEN...did you notice the asparagus?  Guess what I'll be looking for this spring?

I had no idea shrew's were venomous.  No idea they attacked.  No idea they have to eat EVERY hour.  

This is one more reason why it is so handy to be homeschooling S1.

And upon reading this harrowing account, don't you think I deserve an award?

Oh wait, I have a gourmet cupcake with peanut butter in it from Garden Gate Cafe...I think I have just been awarded for my bravery and coolness under attack.

Also, it should be noted that although I sent my husband a text informing him that we were now safe, he never called me back.  Don't you find that odd?  Shouldn't he have checked on me? I mean, venomous shrew in my kitchen???  

Grocery Run

Ever realize you just need a few things at the grocery store.

Like, right now?

And you find yourself in the midst of cleaning and you look so rough you are wondering why your hubby even kissed you goodbye as he ran out the door to cut more wood for your heat this winter.

Okay, according to him I am ALWAYS cute and kissable...but I feel that he may be the only one who feels I am always cute and I know he is the only one who finds me kissable.

Anyhow, the store.

We are fortunate enough to have a store one and half miles from our house.  However, this also means I am on a first name basis with nearly everyone who works there (we seem unforgettable for some reason). But on the weekend the employees are different and I don't know them as well.  I was hoping that would be the case today.

I went to the store wearing my hair in a too tight bun because I put it in a bun when it was still wet.  And you know what that does to your hair style.  I have on my most comfy jeans that I KNOW I should throw away...but I just can't.  I also cannot sit certain ways in these jeans either.  I have no make up on and this is one of these days that you are glad you are a girl so you have the option of make up...you know what I mean, it's not a good looking day for me.

I had a tag along of two of my boys...the other two are cutting wood with Daddy.  One is dressed fine enough, the other is wearing a safety green glow in the dark bright shirt.  The shirt hangs to his knees and is filthy because he and his brother have played bunny wrangler, pumpkin chucker and swamp loggers today.

If you seen S3 you would KNOW he has played all these wonderful exciting things.

He has on big ol' winter boots.  Why? I don't know.

My plan was to run into the store, get what we needed and get out.

Quickly.

And the store wasn't even busy when we got there - even better.

I walked in and realized the well dressed man behind us was familiar, and I hoped we wouldn't bump into him again because I couldn't place him.

Isn't that the worst?

But we bumped into him once literally.  And a few other times we passed him. And he remembered us....we are the asparagus growers.  And I remembered him...the super nice rich man who tips us - TIPS US - for picking him asparagus.

Then we seen a kids we knew from school - you know how you know the kids but not the parents?  Well, the parents all got to see who these boys mom was.

I was in the check out line - IN THE LINE - ready to get out fast.  My most favorite cashier was there and I knew she'd understand my day.

But that's when one of the employees who actually runs the store seen me.  She had asked me chicken advice and I had emailed her some info I had and she wanted to thank me and ask a few more questions.

I find her endearing and normally would love to chat but I just wanted out of there.

And what was horribly funny is that while she is chatting with me, other people are joining in.

Seriously.

The WHOLE CHECK OUT LANE was talking about raising chickens and what to do with mean roosters.

This means... 


A. I live in a farming community and that rocks.


B. Everyone in the store now has talked with me and I have so not gotten out of there unnoticed.

I should have just gone in tomorrow when I was all dressed up for church and just had us eat bread and butter for dinner.

Oh well, we've all had those days, right?  RIGHT?  And honestly....it IS nice to be noticed and appreciated.  Even if it is just for your tasty asparagus and chicken knowledge.

Mom Colored Glasses

Isn't that a great title?

It's not mine...I took it...from a friend of mine who featured me on her great website. The website, as you may have now guessed, is Mom Colored Glasses.

Rachel and I met at Breathe's Writer's Conference two years ago. I wasn't sure what I was there for, I wasn't sure what she was there for, I did know she was teaching a class at the conference and she knew such things that are important words to me that others didn't seem to grasp...blog. Face book. Twitter.

A blogger who was on facebook and had a twitter account?!?! I loved her.

Our paths have crossed here and there and I enjoy when she and I can connect over something in cyber world. She and a small team have begun a website called "Mom Colored Glasses" and they run it so professionally. Every week they ask for a mom to "profile" and this time they asked me.

I honestly was so honored that she asked.

So, I am linking the post I wrote and the interview. If you get a chance, link to some other search out some other interviews too. Some of the recent ones include local celebrities Michele DeSelms, Rachel Ruiz but the fun one to look for is Anna Dewdney of "Llama Llama" books (what kid doesn't like those?)

Featured Post - The Camping Incident

Mom Profile : Denise Dykstra of Life With Four Boys Coffee Please

So please, favorite this website in your list of sites to check out, follow them on facebook and twitter, and Please oh Please, read the post and profile and leave some comment love.

Thanks, have a great weekend!!!!!! I am now pushing "publish" and headed out to pick strawberries on my sunburned knees (I got lost in a new Susan May Warren book (My Foolish Heart) yesterday when I took the boys to the beach and my knees got the brunt of the sun), then we get to pick asparagus and then I shall drink my starbucks via recipe from Becca and hope to not pass out from exhaustion. It's bound to be a GREAT weekend - if I don't come across the black rat snake that seems to have taken residence in our strawberry patch...somewhere. Wish me the best!

It's Asparagus Season Again

Yup, it's that time of year again.

Over here in the mitten state it suddenly got up in the mid eighties. And I loooooove the warm weather after all this snow and ick we've had...

But it also means the asparagus grows like crazy.

And since my husband and has been working funky hours and my boys are in school that means me...and the dogs (who are of no help whatsoever) and S4 on his days off can go pick asparagus.

But S4 was feeling hot so he brought out some stuffed animals he cannot be without and we loaded up on water, I settled him under a tree and I went to work.

Work means bending over and picking each and every spear. In the hot sun. And while everyone can agree, I believe, that I could use some sun kissing - picking asparagus is grueling work. Tonight, as I type this to you, even my fingertips hurt. My legs ache. My feet are throbbing. Asparagus - as much as we love the crop - is hard work.

And S4 didn't want any part of it.

He figured out, instead, how to use my camera. And, as my husband I figured out as we looked through the pictures, he is a very - uh...creative - photographer.

First he took a photo of me picking asparagus. Notice the dog still wearing her winter coat is out in the 85 degree day with me. The five year old boy is laying in the shade. And letting me know it's hot.

When I was gulping down some water, I took this photo. He was building cities in the dirt, I found out later, for Jingle Bells.
These are S4's constant companions. Jingle Bells, Straight Dog and Elkie. Or.....if they need first names...Nut, Hunt and Antler.
He figured we should know who was taking the photos I guess.
This one I loooooooove. He wanted to show that they both could stick out their tongues.
But this.....this cracked me up the most. There are about four pictures of Jingle flying in the air. And his brothers, even they agree this is the coolest most awesomest photo he took.
I'm gonna let him hijack my camera more often, I think.

The Snake That Got Away

I feel I am stable enough to send this post out (I type as I check under my computer desk again). We have an escaped snake on the loose and I am not really sure where it is.

This is not just any ol snake either. Let me tell you what happened....

Our asparagus is growing insanely fast with this warm humid weather we have here right now. That means I pick the asparagus in the morning and then I pick it again that same night, same plant. It keeps me so busy and yesterday I was headed down to the self serve roadside stand we keep in front of our house to put some more asparagus in the cooler. As I came back up to my front porch, there, on the step that I had JUST stepped off, was the biggest, fatest garter snake I have ever seen.

And I have seen a lot of snakes.

So what did I do? Screamed. I stood in the middle of the driveway and screamed my head off for my boys to come rescue me.

Yup, you read that right. I called on my 10, 8, 6 and 4 year old to come rescue their 30 year old moma. I had to yell loud, they were out in a swampy area cooling off and catching frogs and turtles. But not snakes, no, snakes apparently like the house instead.

Even in my frightened state, it was sorta comical to see all my boys falling out of the woods and running thru the soft ground of the just turned over field to come to my rescue. They are good brave boys. S1 even was advising me as he ran "Just keep an eye on it!" "Watch where it goes!"

It wasn't going anywhere except maybe deeper in the hole in the step. I'd have pictures to show you this but the camera was in the house and to access the house I had to use the step and now you know why there were no pictures taken.

S4 wasn't too sure about that monster of a snake so he kept his distance across the driveway. S3 showed no fear and was ready to just pick it up but S1 arrived just in time to show some caution, which is good because the snake lurched and bit S1's shoe! That was almost my heel! S2 ran to get all the needed supplies to catch the awful thing and in a few moments they had the nasty monster of a snake in the bucket with a lid on it.

I am thankful that the boys I gave birth to could rescue their girly moma.

S1 recalled that a friend of ours wanted a snake so he called him and sure enough, he did. He promised to come for it soon.

The boys all gathered around the snake to check it out. It was missing one eye and had a scar all along its head. They didn't look too long, it kept lurching at them and they didn't want to get bit.

Husband came home and teased us all about how it had gotten loose. Since the boys were keeping it next to the kitchen door, I did not find that funny. Our door needs to be replaced and the whole bottom panel is loose with big hole in it. A cat could easily use it as a door to get in and out of. The hole in it is more than large enough for a snake to fit through.

This morning when we got up, we were running late (again) for school and the boys went out to quickly check on the snake one last time and it was GONE. MISSING!

Now, if you were a mean, one eyed, scar faced snake and you were a mastermind of escape, would you not think you hit the jack pot as you slithered your long self into a cool house?

I was afraid you would think that.

We can't find it. It's long gone somewhere...maybe it's back in its hole on the front step, maybe it's under the deck I walk across to get to the kitchen door (the deck has missing boards in it, and this thing is long enough to just stick it's head up and let me know it's there), or maybe it is in my house.

I have worn my barn boots all day long. And it's about ninety today (or close to it) so those stinkin boots are HOT and I would rather have my heeled cowboy boots but Sadie chewed those to smithereens (and i miss them at least once a week).

If you hear me screaming, you know we found out. And what is going to be worse, finding it hidden somewhere or it disappearing for forever?