The Day Before School Starts Blues

In just three hours from now I will be tucking my youngest two into bed, kissing their sun kissed foreheads and hoping they actually fall asleep and don't need numerous drinks and pees. And I will shuffle into the kitchen, give last minute instructions to my oldest two boys as they take their showers and get their backpacks around and I begin making their lunches. Lunches for three boys and my husband...and in about a month I will be making lunches for four boys and my husband.

And in the morning, I plan to wake early. I'll make them all a big breakfast. I'll wake them up early because it will take us a bit to figure out all we need to take to school, to dig out S3's glasses and make sure we go over how to NOT loose them or break them. We'll take lots of pictures that I'll post on facebook and probably post up here.

Then I will drive the ten miles to school, we will search the radio for fun music to sing along to, we'll arrive with a sea of other parents dropping kids off at school and I will begin to feel that lump in my throat.

My feet will suddenly feel encased in cement.

And I will cling to pudgy little fingers as they jump up and down and yell hello to good buddies. I will not say much as I wave a hello here and there, I will not embarrass my boys with my tears (I hope) and fight the crowds of kids and parents dropping them all off at the same time. The noise will be deafening, it will sound hallow in my ears because one by one I will say goodbye and drop one by one child off at their classrooms. And then I will leave them behind with teachers I like, in a school I find endearing, with a staff I trust for seven hours.

I will take S4's hand in mine, as he will no doubt be crying and asking me a million questions and talking non stop and I will try to not think about how in a few short weeks I will be dropping my baby off at the school too.

And then I will get in the suburban, wait for S4 to be buckled, and cry silently all the way home.

Because even on the day that they are on my very last nerve and they have been sent to bed and I am sitting on the bed wondering if maybe my boys are driving me crazy, even on those days, I am thankful to have all my boys home. Home where I know all about them and get asked a million times a day if they can have something to eat and hear them squeal with laughter on the swing set or build a town in the sand box and get in a fight with each other and show me what they grew in their garden and hear their endless chatter....

And I'll come home to a silent house where S4 will need to watch some TV to forget that his brothers are gone from him all day long and count down the days till his is big enough to finally go to school with them.

It's gonna be a rough week for me. We'll get in the rhythm of school, we will all adjust, I'll have lots of funny stories for you all but I will miss them until summer comes around again.