Warts Are My BFF's

At school, S4 does "Happy Mail".  They write notes to each other saying what the other did to be a good friend.  S4 has rather taken to this and he likes writing me notes.  I have a collection of them now, all with the special drawn stamp on them, and I hope I don't loose them because they are really precious.

And hilarious.

His notes began asking me when we could get his warts removed.

Seriously.

He had had one frozen off his right hand a few years ago, it came back and it brought friends.

We had tried the duct tape trick but the side of your hand is a pretty tricky place to keep a piece of duct tape.  S4 counted up seven warts he needed to get removed so we made an appointment.

Days before the appointment, he declared, "My warts are my bff's!"

"What?" I laughed.

"My bff's!" he said again.

"Your big fat friends?" S3 asked curiously.

Their daddy nearly keeled over in laughter at that one.

Great, now they will keep repeating it.

S4 sobered, "How will I know my right hand from my left hand?" he asked.

We told him he would figure it out.

When we went to the doctor, he grinned like a crazy boy, happy to have a day with his mama.  He figured he needed an alligator and angry bird slippers to get through this ordeal.  I got him the alligator and surprised him with it when I picked him up from school that day.

The doctor, who has known us and taken care of the boys since S1 was only one year old, asked him if he was ready,  He was...

Until they began.  His warts were rather large and we ended up freezing NINE of them.  Seven were on one hand.  Huge tears dripped from his face.  He reached for my hand and squeezed it hard.

My poor baby.

I totally should have gotten him those angry bird slippers too.

We left the doctor's office with five stickers in hand, the Doctor said anyone who had that many warts removed deserved every Angry Bird sticker she had. 

And then we went for Biggby coffee.

He keeps looking at the warts, seeing if they are falling off or not.  He had me take a photo of every single one of them that night so he can remember them when he is older.  I find that an odd request...

But they are his bff's.

Side note-

The doctor told us a story of a boy who needed a wart removed in the middle of his hand.  When his mom went to use the restroom, she asked him if he was ready to get his wart removed and he shrugged sadly.  "What's wrong? she asked.

The boy pointed to the wart tenderly.  "Well, because we live in Michigan, when someone would ask me where I live, I would just hold up my hand and point to my wart.  It's, well, it's kinda like my home."

When the mother returned the doctor said, "You do realize that when we remove his wart it will be like removing his hometown?"

They removed it anyhow.

Mama Just Didn't Know Any Better

S4 stumbled into the house, wailing.  The bus had just dropped him off and his arrival home would easily be labeled as dramatic.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, fully concerned something horrific had happened to him.

"He just fooled you and he's not really sick and you just didn't know that and if he gets to stay home I want to stay home from school too!" he wailed.

"He" is S2.

Today, after I had dropped the boys off at school, picked S1 up from an overnight, ran a few errands, got an extra shot in my coffee at Biggby and arrived home exhausted, the phone rang.

Can you tell who is excited for coffee and who isn't awake yet?

"Denise?  It's the school.  We've got a sick one up here."

And off I was again.  All this before eleven today.

But S4 took a different take on all this.  He was convinced that his brother was faking.  When he found out that S2 was laying on the couch watching Ted Nugent videos, he gave me a look like, "You have got to be kidding me.  You thought he was sick enough to come home?"

When I picked up S2 from school, I was one parent of seven there to pick up sick kiddos.  But apparently I should have checked with S4 first.

S4 is currently outside doing chores.  He is spraying the house window with the hose so that his brother will be distracted from watching hunting videos while he has to do his chores.

And such is the state of our home this evening.

S4 just can not believe his Mama didn't know any better.  I sure hope he forgives me soon.  I don't think he is going to forget this any time soon.

Sick Day

We were awoken at some time of the night with S2 at our door.  "I can't sleep!" he tried to sob but his voice sounded all funky.

He took a shower and then crawled onto the couch and fell asleep.  Jake awoke early and checked his forehead.  "He's got a fever," he told me, "I think he is pretty sick."

I woke up just before my alarm went off and had a splitting headache.  I tried to turn the alarm off before it went off and split my head in two...but I was a few seconds late and couldn't get it turned off before it began to ring.  I pulled the covers over my head and went back to sleep.

Before my "you must be moving at this time" alarm went off, I was awoken to a cough that sounded like it hurt all the way into someone's toes.  S4 began to wail, which made him cough some more, which made him wail, which made him cough.  He crawled into bed next to me.  "I think I am sick!" cough cough cough cough cough sniff "Really really sick!"

My head wouldn't stop pounding.  S4 crawled into the chair and fell asleep and I went back to sleep too.  It was if there were bricks on my eyelids.

When my alarm for, "If this rings, you are late!" went off, I got up.  I stumbled to the kitchen, turning lights off as I did and took two tylenol.  I poured out cough medicine for S4.  I poured out medicine for S2.  I checked with S3, "I feel fine," he attempted to smile at me but I think I might have looked alien like.  S1, who has been suffering a cold all weekend, slept on.

I made an executive decision.  I emailed all the teachers and told them the boys were sick.  And then I went back to bed.

After just a half hour nap, the tylenol could be felt to be working - the pain was there but I felt human again - and we began our day.

S1 sniffing and blowing his nose so it sounds like he is calling in a herd of elk.

S2 curled up on the couch, freezing cold, clearly miserable.

S3 happy to be home, playing his leapster.

S4 lining all his stuffed animals around him, coughing so it sounds like his lungs might get coughed up, and then going back to play with his toys.  But thankfully he didn't puke here.

S1 got busy with some homework, S3 and S4 had homework emailed to me and they sat down to get to work, S2 didn't move from the couch.

It wasn't long before S4 was sobbing, his head on the table, "I will never ever ever ever be able to count by five's! Never!"

He then fell back asleep when sent to bed. I got some mucinex in him and saw a marked improvement.

But S2 had to be taken to the doctor's because I was pretty confident he had strep.  He had the swollen tonsils and I could see the first puss pocket appear.  The doctor confirmed it and we headed home.

But not before a stop at our happy place.

His smile is bright, but you can see in his eyes how sick he felt.  When we got home, he went right back onto the couch with every blanket he could find.

And so, my dear friends, is how my Monday went.  How is yours?

Things I NEVER Imagined I'd Do

I've written a post titled this before.  You can read it HERE.  (But Kellyn won't want to since it deals with a boar's head.)

But this is again something I never thought I would do.

Today I went shopping for Jock Cups.  Which, actually, are not called Jock Cups.  They are actually called Flex Cups.  But come on, we all know what Jock Cups are and we wouldn't know what Flex Cups are.  Also, I would not suggest google searching such words.

Anywhoo.

I left the boys to find them for themselves while we shopped for groceries at Meijer.

They came back with chin straps.

This is when I began to get worried.  Because did my boys really want their mama calling for assistance to find jock cups?  Because you know that's what would happen.  They were happy to look for them on their own...and eventually found them.  They kept them in their own cart they pushed around the store, not wanting me to see them at all.

When I went to check out I looked at the selection of jock cups, mouth guards, deodorant, axe spray and sport formula febreeze I had in my cart.

I never thought I would buy these things.

I mean, when my boys were all sweet and little itty bitty, did I ever once pause to think, "Thirteen years from now I will be buying jock cups"?  No.  I did not.

But that's just what I did today.

After the grocery run, we had to head to a doctor's appointment for S1's Sports Physical.  Middle school is new territory for us all and I had no idea that he needed one to play football this year.  And his first ever football season starts Monday.

On our way to the doctor's office, we stopped at Burger King.  The boys have never eaten there.  S1 and S2 were pretty thrilled they had something called a bacon sundae and had to try it. S4 was thrilled there were crowns.  He begged me to wear it and beamed with pride and joy when I wore it out of the restaurant to the suburban.  S1 and S2 didn't quite walk with the three crowned members of their family.

We had a little time to kill and since we had already looked at and purchased jock cups, we headed to Bob's Gun and Tackle.  I mean, why not?  There we purchased ammo, gun cleaning kits, camouflage coat and shirt and various other things I have no idea of.  I also purchased a candle.  I mean, come on, with all this boy stuff I needed a girly candle and shockingly, they had an amazing vanilla smelling candle.

We arrived at the doctor's for the sports physical with the boys telling me what an awesome day this was.

S1 has reached that age where I asked him if he wanted me to tag along in the waiting room.  I acted like it was no big deal but if he had said no I think I would have called a girlfriend to sob that I was no longer needed any longer by my son.  But he did want me there!  He did not want his brothers.

So I gave the other three the biggest stink eye stern face you must behave look I could muster and off I went with S1 to get his sports physical.

Technically it was called a well child check up.

You know, the ones that little babies go to?  The very ones I took him to at three months, six months, nine months...etc.  Now it's once a year...

And now instead of being glad he grew a little I learned he had grown FOUR INCHES in one year.

However, he is exactly one quarter inch shorter than me.

We had thought he was taller but that quarter inch is a big deal and I am still taller! Woohoo!  I did a happy dance, he was crushed.  But he knows it won't last long...he'll beat me in height soon enough.

But when it came time to check "his boy parts", they asked if he wanted his mom there.  "She would probably not like to see this," he said so they ushered me out.

I gave birth to the boy!!! Hello?

But I chatted with all the nurses in the back room and scored a great almond cookie recipe.

When I called Jake to tell him how the appointment had gone, he asked me if the jock cups had jock straps.

I was not aware such things existed.

So, off to the store we went again and stood in front of the jock cups and straps and all sorts of manly things.

After all that, I needed a Biggby.  With an extra shot.

All in all, it was really a pretty great day.

One I may not recover from for some time but great all the same.

And the boys don't seem too traumatized...but again, these are things I never imagined I would do.

What else will I have to do now that they are getting older?

Wait, don't tell me.  I need no more boyish things today.

My Honey Took Me Shopping

This post is filled with swooning, you have been officially warned.

The week leading up to my birthday was insanely busy, and not fun busy either. My wonderful hubby asked me what I wanted for my birthday and you know those times when you just can't even grasp "birthday fun" because you are living in the busy moment? That was me.

I shrugged. Then I lit all up. "A Date! I want a date away for my birthday!"

And then he didn't say a thing more about it. My mom and I had thought a beach day out to Lake Michigan for my birthday would be all sorts of fun...something we hadn't done in forever. Then Sunday mentioned rain...all, day. long.

So I tried to figure out what I could make for dinner for my birthday to just make it an easy but good meal and hoped Jake and I could get away soon.

Then my husband did the most romantic thing ever.

He planned a surprise.

Yes, really.

He conspired with my friend Morg (bless her, and yes, a whole post dedicated to her is coming up soon) to take me on a surprise date. He had to spill the beans a little the night before the big day when we had to shuffle a few kids around. But all he told me is that we were going out.

Being a girl going out with her MAN, I wanted to have to the right outfit (of course) and I love heels...I think we have discussed this earlier...so he would say "Well, you can wear a dress but nothing too nice. Just good walking shoes....."

I was having such fun with this I could hardly keep from bursting.

When I got home from work, he told me I needed to start getting myself together for a date around three. He ran two of the four boys to Morg's house - two more would be joining them later after they had a fun afternoon with my body building brother and his wife - and I laid out all sorts of outfits on the bed for him to choose from. Then I laid all sorts of shoes out to match the dress he picked.

He was girled out before we even hit the road.

Especially because I was ready in record time and literally - yes, literally! - jumping up and down waiting for him to be ready to go.

He got an insane amount of phone calls that afternoon.

And he began to worry I would be disappointed with the night.

He took me to dinner at Famous Dave's. I've never eaten there but thought it sounded yummy. It was soooooooo yummy.

When we left there, my country loving non fashion at all (okay, jeans and tshirt will ALWAYS be in style) husband, pulled into the MALL.

Oh. My. Beating. Heart.

Because there in his big dodge truck, he turned and looked at me and said "Let's go get you a new outfit."

I mighta teared up a bit.

As we walked from the truck, the phone rang. The conversation I heard went something like this "Hey, what are you doing home? Really? You're kidding, right? How much blood?" (this is where I turned around and headed back to the truck) "But he seems fine? Oh, he'll be good then. You can wait 24 hours for stitches."

S4 had RUN INTO A WALL. He cut his head open. Morg had to teach him to breath like lamaze classes teach you to get him to calm down. But apparently he was playing again.

So we went shopping.

I will not bore all of you with the details but after much searching (who knew the mall closed so early) we found a dress. A dress that reminded us of our favorite music video right now, AND it was 60 percent off. We couldn't find shoes though...I take that back. I found SHOES that I drooled over but not the boots I wanted to match the dress.

And we learned a valuable lesson, when you find a dress you love on clearance at Macy's...just buy it. Don't hesitate over a zipper that you feel is too tough to zip, you will figure it out...okay, maybe you won't and it was a good thing we didn't get it.

We went to Biggby AND Starbucks (I know, I know! It was bliss!). We browsed through Barnes and Noble (the mall closes and that store doesn't, how cool is that?) where I purchased some new stationary and got lost looking at books. (Not literally)

I held my honey's hand alllllllllll evening. I gave him a million kisses. Okay, close to a million. It was soooooo much fun. I had the best fun...I felt completely spoiled.

And I think I thanked him a trillion times. It was one of my very best birthday's EVER.

Thank you so much, hubby!!!!!!

(And here is that music video)

Because I was having so much fun on my birthday, I didn't take any pictures! So the pictures I shared were the from the Sunday I wore the dress and my boots to church.

And S4 didn't need stitches.

You can see his cut forehead here.

Sadly, this will probably make him cuter later in life.

As if he wasn't super adorable already.

The Day We Took A Chicken to School

Some of you may know how this post you are about to read came about.

Recently, we were asked to bring in our children's pets to school for pet month. It was something S3 pondered over greatly. I recently blogged how he thought we needed new pets.

But, without much haggling, he decided we did indeed need to bring Chickie to school.

I so wish I could just write this post in Chickenese (which I am fluent in, by the way). But you may not understand it, so I shall tell it from my point of view.

The chicken did not understand why she was plucked from the chicken coop that morning. Nor does she understand why she is named Superman but that wasn't at the front of her brain that morning, I am sure.

But she does seem to love S3 so she settled down into the ultra cool AAESA bag where she was about to be shuffled off she didn't know where.

As soon as S4 seen the chicken in HIS green star bag - he freaked. He bawled his eyes out. He cried over the injustice of it all. I assured him I could wash it. He was certain it was ruined forever.

I then promised him a new one and we were back on track (and I had to send a hasty email out begging for a new free AAESA bag....)

And S3's smile was total happiness. The chicken didn't look too bad either.

But I may have taken this picture and wondered what on earth I was thinking.

My ever so sweet blogging and twitter friends caught wind of the fact I was taking a chicken to school (um, how could I NOT share that on twitter and facebook?) and I was instantly wished...

Chaos.

Yes, friends were hoping the chicken would see this as her chance to gain knowledge and run down the hallway to learn from every classroom she could while a happy, laughing class of first graders rushed to catch up, followed by a frantic looking mom with a panicked looking teacher close behind.

But we got there and all went well. Other than the shocked teachers that great us at the front school door who realized the chicken was in fact REAL, we hurried on into the class room where the class mates gathered around to be introduced to Superman the Hen.
And S3 was thrilled.
I glanced down to get my phone out to take a picture of how well things were going when I looked up to see this.....
The chicken was loose.

S3 figured she wanted to wander the room a bit. She seemed to, because she took a giant dump right there on the floor.

And all the kids held their noses and gagged.

When one of S3's best friends asked to hold Superman, S3 shrugged "sure" and swiftly picked up Superman the hen and placed him on his lap. This happened as the teacher was finalizing plans for a calf to come visit later in the day and I was dumping soap on the floor to help wash away the poop drop on the carpet when Superman decided to flap her wings and take to flight.....where she promptly fell back to the floor.

Can you imagine if she decided to roost high on a bar in the classroom? Can you imagine her pooping on the students?

I thought it would be a good time to leave.

And when I got back into the suburban, I took a long sip of my Biggby coffee and thought....how is that I am so blessed to have this life?

Time Change Woes Continued

After the rough Monday morning, I dared to live precariously and drove to the big town to buy some more groceries. Mostly because Sadie has decided our couch doesn't need a curtiany thing under our couch. Or shoes. Or cell phone chargers.

Sadie has only chewed one shoe to bits, and it was S1's. I do believe he may have bribed her to do it, put bacon in it or something. He has been telling me he needs new shoes and I keep putting it off and forgetting and now he has none. So I had to go.

Biggby was giving coffee away for their 15th anniversary. They were hopping busy but happy as ever as they made us S4's little kiddie drink. “The B shop” is one of S4's favorite places to stop, and I don't mind because I need the caffeine at any given time of the day and next year.....well, next year he won't go with me because he will be in school.

But one cannot think on such things when you on the search for something called a KONG, shoes for your eldest and Sesame Street songs still running thru your head.

I put the lid on the coffee and it exploded out, all over my shirt. I was, of course, wearing a very light yellow shirt. The coffee did not match it.

S4 was still wearing his bright white (although now a mud covered knees) jammie bottoms, a blinding red blinking Lightening McQueen shirt and a bright red sweat shirt along with a camouflage winter hat. Honey, we stood out.

I could not find a KONG. I did find a blue Lightening McQueen, which S4 just had to have.

I could not find shoes.

I did, however, find my detergent for HALF OFF!!!!!! I need little presents like that more often, I nearly floated out of the store.

Until I ended up at Pay-less where I found S1 a pair of shoes in the MENS department. And not like they were just in the men's department, they were half way down the men's isle.
That realization had me leaving the store without the shoes, only to turn back (so yes, we did look like we were a bit more than slightly crazy) to buy the shoes. It was hard. I had to tell the lady behind the register they were for my son.

His shoes would probably fit me.

I have not told him this.

I needed something to help this day out so we stopped for ice cream at the home made ice cream store where we knocked down a picture in the bathroom causing the glass to explode over the floor and then somehow lost the brand new Lightening McQueen.

It was not a good day.

I do hope the week improves.

At Least We Left them Laughing

(warning:this is a long post. I have been working on making them shorter, really, but this was such a bad trip it only could be told long. It could have been longer.)


Today was a day I wish I could just forget. Instead, I will write a blog about it...so you all can laugh along with the workers at Arnies.

When this is written, I am off to bed. With a headache.

Today S3 had a dentist appointment. He was sooooooo thrilled to get to go to school, drop off his back pack and then LEAVE school. This was a BIG deal.

I had Jr with me today. And because Hubby was worried what our Sadie girl might do in the house alone for that long, I had the adorable big five month old puppy with me too.

And S4, of course, who I always have.
What could possibly go wrong?

Because I was going to the CITY, I dressed up a bit. High heeled black boots, fancy black sweater I scored at a going out of business second hand shop and fancy top I wear usually on fancy Sunday's. I shocked everyone when I dropped the boys off at school, I usually am in old jeans, slip on shoes and a hooded sweatshirt.

When we arrived at the dentist, a good 45 minute trip away, I thought it would be good to walk our dog since she has started whining a bit when we were right in the city. When I took her out, she was shaking so badly I was afraid she might be sick. We walked the perimeter of the property, which is really a very pretty wooded lot in the middle of the city, she was shaking so badly. The boys were climbing up the snow banks and falling in them and thinking this was the greatest time ever. I was sinking in the mud, my high heeled boots disappearing.

I had to lift my puppy back into the suburban to take S3 in for the appointment. Doing so got me a bit muddy. From lifting her, sure, but mostly because the boys let go of the leash and she darted, panicked and I had to lunge to save her. At least I was wearing black.

Jr has a cold. He didn't want to be held, couldn't crawl around, and wasn't too bad but wasn't too fun either. It was about this time that I realized I didn't really eat breakfast, just one pop tart at four thirty this morning and that had long done its sugary job and I was starving.

The boys dental hygienist came out to inform me S3 had some cavities. This woman, I am sure, may in fact truly be a nice lady. But she takes the whole “teeth cleaning” to a new level. I, personally, despise going to the dentist. I would rather do most anything else than go there. Really. I hate it. It's why I brush my teeth with a one hundred dollar spinning toothbrush just so I don't have to go. The boys leave her scared to death all their teeth will fall out because they aren't taking proper care of them. I don't think anyone could really take the 'proper care' of teeth the way she thinks they should. And she REALLY doesn't think I know what I am doing to ruin my poor boys teeth...one day she came out of the office to find the boys eating donuts and nearly hit the roof telling me what awful things the sugar was doing to the boys teeth.....but that's another story.

So, I didn't take the advice she had for me well. But I do try to be nice.

And I hope she never finds out about this blog or this post.

I asked the boys if they had to pee, they didn't, and we were off.

To celebrate S3 surviving her cleaning his teeth, we stopped at Biggby and I got them the biggest kiddie drink ever. I have NEVER done this with them so they thought they were just the coolest, and as a mom, it's fun to watch their eyes get huge and realize they are being super spoiled and just enjoy the moment. I have planned this moment since I knew we were going to the dentist.

About ten minutes down the road, S4 starts crying, then wailing, he has to go 'guck' (poop). Bad.
At the same time, Jr begins to really wail. I think he secretly loves coffee and thinks he should have gotten some too. But his bottle was going to have to work, and I couldn't' get it to him.
I pulled into Arnies. All who know Arnies is cheering that is a great place to stop. It's a yummy restaurant, a wonderful bakery, and is one of the cleanest places and prettiest bathrooms.
S4, who always seems to need to get out and in the suburban via the drivers side, suddenly decided he needs the other side. He is standing in the suburban crying and moaning while I am unbuckling Jr and holding Sadie back from jumping out.

I told S3 he could look at the donuts while S4 went potty. S3 took this as meaning he could bring in the pies that he thought looked good and show them to me.

Now just picture him, ripped red coat because it's his favorite, not because he doesn't have another one, dentist gloves on his hands, glasses making his eyes look big and adorable, shoes on the wrong feet...opening the bathroom door to say “this, Moma, I want this!”

All the while, S4 is sitting on the toilet, explaining in great detail to me that the gucks are coming out, that they have to fall out of his butt, why its taking him so long, etc.

S3 had not shown up in awhile so I went out to check on him, who was wandering around, checking out what he needed to show me next. S3 is the kind who would just follow a stranger around talking with them or unintentionally getting lost. He is accident prone. All the time.
Between me checking on the S3, jiggling Jr in the mirror to keep him happy and trying to rush S4 along, I was at my wits end.

I bough three treats for us when we left (2.32, that's CHEAP) just to make up for the commotion we caused. All three workers were laughing and smirking and trying to be professional but not able to pull it off.

It gets worse.

We get to the suburban where Sadie has decided she can't sit in the back anymore and must sit where S3 was sitting. S3 moves his car seat to the very back, then he hands his donut up to me (why?) and drops it. Then he moves his car seat back to the second seat and works on the leash that we realize is caught between the seats. Then he releases the leash, gets the car seat and moves it back to the last seat. Then he needs his donut.

I go to take a sip of my extra shot coffee only to realize that it is spilled all over the lid and every time I take sip it spills over me. There is something defective with the lid. So I look for a straw. I don't have one.

We get on the highway and my purse leans, LEANS, against S4s foot and he has to tell me about it and insist it get moved. I change lanes and his water bottle gets stuck under my foot.

About this time, I see my husband has called me twice. I call him back. He wants to know what has taken me so long today and why I haven't called him yet.

Since my 'good wife' tip is to not bombard your honey with bad news first chance you get, I tell him I am on my way back to school right then.

I'll spare you the ride conversations and minor issues to the school.

I came home and wrote this blog.

And now I can't nap. The extra shot has kicked in.

And my dog is fine and sleeping on the couch and sweet again. And S4 is napping because he informed me he is really really tired.

And I made a lot of people at Arnie's laugh today.