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Friday, March 12, 2010

At Least We Left them Laughing

(warning:this is a long post. I have been working on making them shorter, really, but this was such a bad trip it only could be told long. It could have been longer.)

Today was a day I wish I could just forget. Instead, I will write a blog about you all can laugh along with the workers at Arnies.

When this is written, I am off to bed. With a headache.

Today S3 had a dentist appointment. He was sooooooo thrilled to get to go to school, drop off his back pack and then LEAVE school. This was a BIG deal.

I had Jr with me today. And because Hubby was worried what our Sadie girl might do in the house alone for that long, I had the adorable big five month old puppy with me too.

And S4, of course, who I always have.
What could possibly go wrong?

Because I was going to the CITY, I dressed up a bit. High heeled black boots, fancy black sweater I scored at a going out of business second hand shop and fancy top I wear usually on fancy Sunday's. I shocked everyone when I dropped the boys off at school, I usually am in old jeans, slip on shoes and a hooded sweatshirt.

When we arrived at the dentist, a good 45 minute trip away, I thought it would be good to walk our dog since she has started whining a bit when we were right in the city. When I took her out, she was shaking so badly I was afraid she might be sick. We walked the perimeter of the property, which is really a very pretty wooded lot in the middle of the city, she was shaking so badly. The boys were climbing up the snow banks and falling in them and thinking this was the greatest time ever. I was sinking in the mud, my high heeled boots disappearing.

I had to lift my puppy back into the suburban to take S3 in for the appointment. Doing so got me a bit muddy. From lifting her, sure, but mostly because the boys let go of the leash and she darted, panicked and I had to lunge to save her. At least I was wearing black.

Jr has a cold. He didn't want to be held, couldn't crawl around, and wasn't too bad but wasn't too fun either. It was about this time that I realized I didn't really eat breakfast, just one pop tart at four thirty this morning and that had long done its sugary job and I was starving.

The boys dental hygienist came out to inform me S3 had some cavities. This woman, I am sure, may in fact truly be a nice lady. But she takes the whole “teeth cleaning” to a new level. I, personally, despise going to the dentist. I would rather do most anything else than go there. Really. I hate it. It's why I brush my teeth with a one hundred dollar spinning toothbrush just so I don't have to go. The boys leave her scared to death all their teeth will fall out because they aren't taking proper care of them. I don't think anyone could really take the 'proper care' of teeth the way she thinks they should. And she REALLY doesn't think I know what I am doing to ruin my poor boys day she came out of the office to find the boys eating donuts and nearly hit the roof telling me what awful things the sugar was doing to the boys teeth.....but that's another story.

So, I didn't take the advice she had for me well. But I do try to be nice.

And I hope she never finds out about this blog or this post.

I asked the boys if they had to pee, they didn't, and we were off.

To celebrate S3 surviving her cleaning his teeth, we stopped at Biggby and I got them the biggest kiddie drink ever. I have NEVER done this with them so they thought they were just the coolest, and as a mom, it's fun to watch their eyes get huge and realize they are being super spoiled and just enjoy the moment. I have planned this moment since I knew we were going to the dentist.

About ten minutes down the road, S4 starts crying, then wailing, he has to go 'guck' (poop). Bad.
At the same time, Jr begins to really wail. I think he secretly loves coffee and thinks he should have gotten some too. But his bottle was going to have to work, and I couldn't' get it to him.
I pulled into Arnies. All who know Arnies is cheering that is a great place to stop. It's a yummy restaurant, a wonderful bakery, and is one of the cleanest places and prettiest bathrooms.
S4, who always seems to need to get out and in the suburban via the drivers side, suddenly decided he needs the other side. He is standing in the suburban crying and moaning while I am unbuckling Jr and holding Sadie back from jumping out.

I told S3 he could look at the donuts while S4 went potty. S3 took this as meaning he could bring in the pies that he thought looked good and show them to me.

Now just picture him, ripped red coat because it's his favorite, not because he doesn't have another one, dentist gloves on his hands, glasses making his eyes look big and adorable, shoes on the wrong feet...opening the bathroom door to say “this, Moma, I want this!”

All the while, S4 is sitting on the toilet, explaining in great detail to me that the gucks are coming out, that they have to fall out of his butt, why its taking him so long, etc.

S3 had not shown up in awhile so I went out to check on him, who was wandering around, checking out what he needed to show me next. S3 is the kind who would just follow a stranger around talking with them or unintentionally getting lost. He is accident prone. All the time.
Between me checking on the S3, jiggling Jr in the mirror to keep him happy and trying to rush S4 along, I was at my wits end.

I bough three treats for us when we left (2.32, that's CHEAP) just to make up for the commotion we caused. All three workers were laughing and smirking and trying to be professional but not able to pull it off.

It gets worse.

We get to the suburban where Sadie has decided she can't sit in the back anymore and must sit where S3 was sitting. S3 moves his car seat to the very back, then he hands his donut up to me (why?) and drops it. Then he moves his car seat back to the second seat and works on the leash that we realize is caught between the seats. Then he releases the leash, gets the car seat and moves it back to the last seat. Then he needs his donut.

I go to take a sip of my extra shot coffee only to realize that it is spilled all over the lid and every time I take sip it spills over me. There is something defective with the lid. So I look for a straw. I don't have one.

We get on the highway and my purse leans, LEANS, against S4s foot and he has to tell me about it and insist it get moved. I change lanes and his water bottle gets stuck under my foot.

About this time, I see my husband has called me twice. I call him back. He wants to know what has taken me so long today and why I haven't called him yet.

Since my 'good wife' tip is to not bombard your honey with bad news first chance you get, I tell him I am on my way back to school right then.

I'll spare you the ride conversations and minor issues to the school.

I came home and wrote this blog.

And now I can't nap. The extra shot has kicked in.

And my dog is fine and sleeping on the couch and sweet again. And S4 is napping because he informed me he is really really tired.

And I made a lot of people at Arnie's laugh today.

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